• Faye

Weaponized Incompetence

As women we are always tired of have to be "on". We need to switch off sometimes.

Does your husband help with house work or does he not do it because he believes you are naturally better at it? Now, of course we know a lot of that is weaponized incompetence, but really??

I mean I guess the true question is, are we better at it, or is it just that we didn't have a choice?

When did housework become about skill, instead of necessity? I mean it never occurred to me that I could say I wasn't good at it. Domestic labor is a job that never stops. There is no sick days or vacation days. But that doesn't mean we don't need a break, just means we don't have the option to stop. No one pats us on the back when we fulfill an obligation because we are just expected to do them. And not only are we not recognized for it, but most of the time our spouses don't even notice. Sometimes I think my husband just believes his clothes naturally clean themselves and his socks walk themselves to the hamper.

Insisting that we are just better at certain things, suggests that it is easier for us to do, than it is for our spouses to do; and that minimizes the effort that it takes to complete the tasks. Household chores don't just go away if you refuse to do them. You just shift the burden and responsibility back onto your partner and add to our already exhausting mental load.

So it is not about being better or worse at something! It is about being a good partner and sharing the household responsibilities.

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